The Plot to Steal the Election Hit a Major Speedbump

whoopsy daisy

Back in June, things seemed pretty dire. Texas lawmakers began brainstorming a plot to gerrymander the 2026 election to give Republicans a massive advantage. The plot, so it went, was to redistrict Texas to give the GOP as many as five new congressional seats next year. In the wake of Trump’s inauguration, and the various ways the US has fallen into authoritarianism this year, this was an unwelcome bit of news - though it was news that inspired a reaction for Democrats across the nation to fight back.

For instance, Texas Democrats straight up left the state and refused to vote on the legislation. Texas Governor Greg Abbott threatened to arrest them. Meanwhile, other states proposed their own legislation that would redistrict in favor of Democrats. It was a full-on legislative civil war to try to regain control of the House, or in Republicans’ cases, hold onto it with every last bit of strength they had left.

Most notably, California put a proposition up in a special election known as Prop 50 that sought to do the exact same thing, but in favor of Democrats. That bill OVERWHELMINGLY passed earlier this month, meaning it is incredibly likely that Democrats will gain five new congressional seats next year. So, that means that NOBODY gains any seats if Texas is adding five Republican seats, right?

Not exactly.

On Tuesday, a federal court dropped a ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY PAGE DECISION denying Texas the request to redistrict, referring to it as BLATANT racial gerrymandering. They are now required to keep their 2021 maps in place in a decision that was written by Judge Jeffrey V. Brown… someone New Republic points out was actually recommended to the bench by none other than Zodiac Killer suspect Ted Cruz.

“That realization has enraged some members of Trump’s base, who have questioned how the Houston native could have recommended someone who would rule against the president’s agenda,” they write, highlighting that MAGA operatives like Mike Davis are now angry at Cruz for appointing a judge that shot their entire agenda in the foot. Things are going so well for MAGA right now.

In fact, they’re going so well that the dissenting judge in the case, Judge Jerry E. Smith, came with an insane 100 plus page dissent against the ruling. In fact, if you didn’t know it was a dissent, Smith’s got your back: the phrase “I dissent” pops up over fifteen times within it, all while he accuses Brown of the “most outrageous conduct by a judge that I have ever encountered” for not allowing Smith the time to write what can generously be described as a school shooter manifesto without the intention of a shooting.

of course this man wrote this document lmao

This thing is a doozy, man. Smith blames George Soros. Smith blames Gavin Newsom. He treats a legal court document like a bad stand-up’s joke journal.

“If there were a Nobel Prize for fiction, Judge Brown’s opinion would be a prime candidate,” he wrote. “If this were a law school exam, the opinion would deserve an ‘F.’”

There isn’t really much I can say today that hasn’t been said by other credible outlets; Slate has an excellent analysis of how crazy this ordeal has been that you can read here. But I think it’s worth mentioning that this is one of the most psychotic legal documents I’ve ever read - and I’ve read the transcript of Laura Loomer’s deposition in her lolsuit against Bill Maher. I mean for God’s sake, he uses the word CLOUT in a legal document.

“Judge Brown could have saved himself and the readers a lot of time and

effort by merely stating the following,” he begins, “‘I just don’t like what the Legislature did here. It was unnecessary, and it seems unfair to disadvantaged voters. I need to step in to make sure wiser heads prevail over the nakedly partisan and racially questionable actions of these zealous lawmakers. Just as I did to the lawmakers in Galveston County in Petteway, I’m using my considerable clout as a federal district judge to put a stop to bad policy judgments. After all, I get paid to do what I think is right.’”

Then again, maybe he’s just a nutter; this photo is from a Law & Crime article about him being in hot water for an “anti-mask order”

This thing is so petty, and full of hilarious nuggets like that. He immediately follows this hypothetical up with:

“There’s the old joke: What’s the difference between God and a federal district judge? Answer: God doesn’t think he’s a federal judge. Or a different version of that joke: An angel rushes to the head of the Heavenly Host and says, “We have a problem. God has delusions of grandeur.” The head angel calmly replies, “What makes you say that?” The first angel whispers, “He’s wearing his robe and keeps imagining he’s a federal judge.”

Only this time, it isn’t funny.”

This is a man who was appointed to the judicial circuit in the 80s by RONALD REAGAN. This is not one of those unqualified Trump judges; this man has been a judge as long as I’ve been alive TWICE OVER. Two separate Dean Withers types could have been born twenty years apart, and they still wouldn’t be as old as the career of Jerry E. Smith.

I dunno, y’all. It might be good to end the week on this truly remarkable legal documentation of utter “cope and seethe.” The Texas redistricting plot failed because it was viewed as blatant unconstitutional gerrymandering. The California plot was democratically voted on, approved, and will likely proceed as planned. All Jerry E. Smith can do is scream “I DISSENT” into the void; all MAGA can do is scream at Ted Cruz.

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